19 September 2008

In Annoyed Memory...

Ranger S. Mauck is no longer with us, I'm sure many of you are relieved to hear. Those of you who visited our house no doubt remember his slobbery welcomes, his trying to shove his way in the door before you, and back in his fenced days, high-pitched whining and scratching at the back door when any conversation occurs.

Let us take a listen to Ranger's Greatest Hits (WARNING: some of this is quite graphic, so be warned if you have a sensitive gag reflex that it could be activated.):

Puppy: wets on the carpet copiously, eats a bunny and pukes most of it up on our carpet.

Young dog: Eats an entire bag of Halloween chocolate, wrappers included, and appears none the worse for it. Chews up at least three books, two of which belonged to the library. Pulled a 24-pack of TP off the kitchen table and mangled half the rolls beyond use. We put him outside permanently.

Grown dog: Chases many cows and a few horses. Is shot by an angry livestock owner, but looks like he'd been hit by a car. The vet removed the bullet and said he was lucky to be alive.

Angry neighbor visits to tell us Ranger has cornered his nine-year-old daughter.

We built a fence.

Peed on Pa-in-law's leg for no apparent reason. Those jeans bear permanent bleach marks.

Diagnosed with terminal mouth cancer. Recovers with no treatment, other than a couple cans of wet dog food.

Shook my mom's cat in his mouth; she later died from injuries. (I was pregnant, the only way he didn't kill the cat right then was that my 100-pound sister wrestled the dog to the ground. She had him in a headlock while the foreign exchange student threw the cat in the house. Highly traumatic for all involved. Except Ranger.)

No more car rides to Mom's house for Ranger.

Figures out how to jump the five-foot gate. Jay nails a bunch of spare wood around the gate, making it six feet high. Ranger jumps it.

Chases many more cows and horses.

Killed three chickens; went for a rooster.

Timely death.

P.S. The snake is still in our freezer. He is becoming almost as annoying as Ranger. I think I shall name him Tonto.


Audrey said...

After all of that, you'll be glad. It stinks to lose a dog but, sometimes everyone is better off in the end. Hopefully Shadow will be okay with him gone. Take Care!

Anonymous said...

Well I wish we had a home movie of the Ranger/cat/Amanda "Superwoman" wrestling incident! RIP Ranger...I enjoyed a good laugh over your memories! Aunt Neila

Lissa said...

This dog was almost as bad Kipper the psycho cat. Remember how you and I were asleep one night and she grabbed your ear and bit and wouldn't let go? I was screaming and slinging a pillow at the dumb cat, and finally you got her off and threw her across the room. And that still didn't teach her a lesson.
RIP Ranger. Enjoy the peace Kim.