08 February 2009

DWTS gets me out of my blogging funk!

Kill the lights....flash spotlights through the frenzied crowd....cue the pulse-pounding music...and now, lower the disco ball! And I go wild!! That's right, this can only mean the announcement of this season's DWTS contenders! We've got some doozies, people!

So, I didn't actually watch Tom Bergeron reveal the stars; Jay and I were at his parents' house learning a new card game called Golf--a good one! Just enough strategy to be fun, but not so much that it's stressful. Anyway, this info is coming from The Orlando Sentinel's TV Guy column, a time zone ahead of us!

Li'l Kim: Trying to recover some of her likability after serving time for perjury. Also known as "pulling a Heather Mills." I'm predicting her to be good at popping and locking and shaking her badonkadonk, but not much else, a la rapper Mario.

Steve-O: Idiotic star of the show my mom made us call "Donkey." Now maybe if the guy they called Bunny on that show was on, he would do well (anyone remember him dancing around and stripping down to bikini underwear in the stereo store? Now Bunny was funny.), but Steve-O? He's pretty good at getting his teeth knocked out and making himself puke, but that doesn't take much physical prowess.

Nancy O'Dell: The mom contestant. How we love them for multi-tasking and hate them for their post-pregnancy hot bods! We'll see if she's as good at shaking her groove thang as she is at telling us all about Jessica's extra poundage.

Lawrence Taylor: The big black football player contestant. Although he was one of the greatest football players in NFL history, his public image was marred by drug and alcohol abuse. Hopefully the stress of this show doesn't put him back on the white horse.

Shawn Johnson: Everyone's immediate favorite! What's not to like in this adorable Olympic gold-medal gymnast? But good grief, is she even legal? She was 16 last summer, so I think she'll have to be the new youngest DWTS star ever. Let's see her paired with Derek to put the cuteness meter into overdrive! (Although that's doubtful, since he did get the trophy last year, and usually they handicap the winners the season after. But it would be kind of weird to see her dancing with someone as old as her dad.)

Chuck Wicks: The only reason I've heard of this country singer is because he's Julianne Hough's boyfriend! He's got to be cute, and wouldn't it be cool to see them paired up? Or terrible to see their relationship crumble before our eyes?

Gilles Marini: This sexy Sex and the City actor could go one of two ways: the expendable celebrity, the one no one immediately bonds to because we're too unfamiliar with him, a la last year's Ted McGinley (despite my votes!), OR the sexy newcomer who turns out to be a passionate dancer with a talented partner and fun personality, a la Christian whats-his-name, the Latin man paired with Cheryl a couple seasons ago (remember his paso shouts? Hilario!).

Denise Richards: Another mom contestant, but this one's career has pretty much been limited in the past couple years to tabloid pics of her with her children with the next contestant...

Charlie Sheen! I'm predicting this former alkie to win our hearts. He just seems like one of those skeevy guys that weasels his way into your heart with his self-deprecating, yet strangely confident, sense of humor. Am I making any sense? Also, who's going to be keeping the Sheen-Richards kids with both parents dancing their tushes off every day?

Belinda Carlisle: The nostalgia contestant, the one that makes the middle-aged viewers say "You go, girl!" Won't it be cool to see her dance to her '80s hits "We Got the Beat" and/or "Our Lips are Sealed"? And it can't be bad for her iTunes sales.

Steve Wozniak: The Apple co-founder certainly doesn't need the screen time or the bucks that come with this show, so why is he doing this? I'll tell you why: Because he can. You go, Woz, for embracing this "amazing journey," in the immortal words of just about every person ever ousted on the show.

David Allen Grier: I'll tell you a little secret: Most guys known for their sense of humor are not the best at physical pursuits. Name one comedian who has gotten past the third week. I don't think there's been one. These are people who during their high school years, didn't have enough athletic ability and/or clear skin and/or muscle bulk to be popular, so they made fun of other people. Probably another expendable contestant.

Ty Murray: This former rodeo star is milking his pseudo-celebrity for all it's worth! I didn't know him as anything but Jewel's hub, but I just found out on Wikipedia that he's actually already been on two other reality shows, and one along with his very own "meant for me."

Jewel: As a soulful singer, I would think Jewel would be able to channel music through her body pretty well, and perhaps the competition with her hub will spur (hehe) her on to the finals.

Notable omission: No 55+ person! Cloris must have been enough senior citizen for two seasons. Although I do enjoy seeing a senior exhibit masterful control of their decrepit bod, like Jane Seymour did a few seasons ago.

I don't care who wins, but I'm definitely excited! One more month!!


Holly Beth said...

Yay!! So excited about Shawn Johnson!!!!!! She'll be fun to watch.

Donola said...

Finally got internet at home!!! Love looking at the nieces' blogs. Love your analysis of the new DWTS, but I may have to take exception with the decrepit bods of the 55+ set!!

Dani said...

What's with all the couples and ex-couples! I mean please...I don't wanna see Chuck and Julianne making googly eyes at each other and the same goes for Jewel and her hubby....Denise and Charlie could be fun to watch compete though after there very heinous breakup..reunion..divorce. My vote is already cast for Shawn...she's so adorable!